5 Years Later

BY KEN BARRINGER

I recall being out the evening of March 10, 2020. The restaurants, stores, streets, and offices were empty. There was high levels of tension and uncertainty amidst the calm and serenity of a quiet city. How could these two things exist simultaneously? Something was up. Then came the next day. March 11, 2020 seems like a very long time ago and also like 10 minutes ago. Do you remember getting the news that the WHO declared COVID-19 a global pandemic? We didn’t fully understand what this meant. How could we, it was unprecedented. Here we are five years later. We have lost, we have struggled, we have anxieties that did not go away with our masks. So how are we? How fresh is the sting of what we lost? The loneliness and isolation of the pandemic is still being felt. Social and academic skills are still in the catching up phase. A sense of safety, trust and comfort is still raw and unanswered for many.

I recall a book titled, Alone Together: Love, Grief, and Comfort in the Time of COVID 19 that came out during the pandemic. We wanted to rally around the concept of how the pandemic was impacting all of us similarly. We were “all in the same boat”. However, we were “all in the same storm” and had different boats based on our resources. Thus our experience was unique to us. What we did have in common was the pandemic, similar to grief, put two days of measurement on our calendar: Before and Since. We now mark things this way, “was that event before the pandemic or since?” “Was that before my person died or since?”

Here is a bizarre thought, does anyone miss the stay-at-home advisory that followed the pandemic declaration? Were there any parts of the stay-at-home that you think about with some fondness? Do you feel guilty that given the immeasurable suffering you, “did ok with COVID?” The mixed feelings of guilt and having some yearnings for the “good side” of the pandemic have been reported to me on many occasions. People reminisce about feeling grounded at times as the stay-at-home forced them to slow down. They report the pandemic took some pressure off to perform at work or to be social. Grief makes us re-prioritize what we value. Some say the pandemic had the same effect.

Anniversary dates and years that end in “0” or “5” can carry a different kind of weight. Where were we in 2020 and now in 2025? Zeroes and fives can leave some reflecting on what is behind them and what lies ahead. In a period of five years major life transitions can occur. We may move to new spaces. In five years, we can go from a high school student to a college graduate; from the idea of being married someday, to being married. At age 25 we may be coming into adulthood, at 40 we may be deeply immersed in our careers and/or being a parent, at 60 we may be entering in the “third of 3” in our lifespan. Our losses come and visit us again as we, and our, grief mature. At 5 years since the lockdown, what is visiting you?

We are living history that will be taught for many years in schools and continue to evolve health classes and medical training. The losses brought by the pandemic, like all loss, changed how we live. Forever. The pandemic may have ended but COVID has not and our evolution (or what might feel like de-evolution at times) is still on going. So how are you doing with it?