“Cancer Ghosting”…Really?

BY KEN BARRINGER

When I first heard a story being promoted on NPR about “cancer ghosting” I was puzzled. The story was part of NPR’s series on Life After Diagnosis and the title paused me. I know what cancer is and I know what ghosting is, but I never thought of the two of them together. It just seems so cruel. I thought, “This is really a thing? It can’t be too common.” However, upon looking into it one study indicated 65 % of cancer survivors report being ghosted by family and/or friends. Further examination of Reddit produced a bevy of stories and comments related to be ghosted. Frequent comments were to the point of ghosting being worse than the treatments. In another story, I came across a woman who speaks publicly about cancer survivorship and always includes the impact of being ghosted. She reports this is the worst side effect of the disease.

While Cancer Ghosting scars all ages its impact on the young is quite high. Like any grief when you’re in the throes of it there is a tendency to feel isolated and alone. Grief for youth and young adults can feel extremely isolating in that many of their peers may have yet to experience loss. The same can be said of cancer or major medical diagnosis for this demographic. To feel abandoned by family and friends is to be susceptible to a lifetime of damage. Reasons why people ghost can be numerous, but logic tells me they all stem from fear. Fear was explained to me once as an acronym for False Expectations Are Real. What expectations do people have about those with cancer? I understand how debilitating our fears can be. How paralyzed we can get and that there is an instinct to protect ourselves. This all makes sense. Are we even aware of our fear systems and how it impacts our behavior? Maybe. Nevertheless, can we put a friend’s needs ahead of our own and connect with them? Don’t leave it up to someone else to do (google “Kitty Genovese”). If someone you care about has cancer reach out, show up. A simple text of “hey, thinking about you” or “checking in to see how you are” can really go a long way (for both of you!).

When I heard the Cancer Ghosting story, I thought of something Freud said in Mourning and Melancholia, “In grief the world looks poor and empty. In depression the person feels poor and empty”. Perhaps the great side effect of cancer ghosting is a person will feel both. We know this will have major influence on their health outcome. We are already in the midst of a public health epidemic of loneliness and isolation( https://healingforgriefandloss.com/blog/the-case-for-community/ ). Do we have to add insult onto injury? I hope not. The good news is more people are surviving cancer, but it seems to be coming at a cost of survivors feeling isolated and alone.

Cancer Ghosting is preventable.